Keeping Him Safe
by LemonyLyman
Summary: Toby recalls the the first shooting he witnessed. Inspired by Toby telling the President that he's seen shootings before in "The Midterms". Originally published on my AO3 account.
A/N: During a headcanon session some friends and I decided on the names Rachel and Judith for Toby's sisters. Judith is the second eldest and four years older than Toby.

This is considered backstory for Toby in the The Gods Have Conspired universe but stands perfectly well on its own.

* * *

 **"Why does it feel like this? I've seen shootings before."**

 **Brooklyn - Summer 1965**

Ten year-old Toby Ziegler had spent the afternoon playing baseball with his sister Judith and her friends. Now that Toby was ten and the rest of them were about to enter High School they didn't often let him play with them, but today they had relented and they had played until the sun had gone down.

The twenty boys (and Judith, the only girl) had gathered their things and had split up to head home, with five of the boys making their way back home with Judith and Toby because they all lived on the same street

They weren't far from their street when shots rang out.

Toby knew the sound of gunfire, he'd heard it before, the fake kind while watching Bonanza on his family's black and white set on Sunday nights and once he'd heard the real thing late at night when he'd been half asleep and not entirely sure what that percussive sound had been.

He'd never heard it this close before.

Curiosity made Toby turn his head and he managed to catch a glimpse of a slick-haired young man in a white shirt and jeans leaning against a brick wall. Toby noticed that the young man was clutching at his side and that a red stain was spreading on his shirt.

That was all he managed to see before he felt his sister grab him, forcing him to turn his head. Toby heard the boys they'd been walking home with scatter behind him as Judith pushed Toby roughly into a corner formed by a stoop.

Judith pressed herself against him and Toby held his mitt-covered hand close to his chest and curled into a ball in order to get comfortable against the hard wall.

There was a squeal of tires and, for what felt like an eternity, all Toby could hear was his sister's heavy breathing- or maybe it was his own, he was too rattled to tell. Judith finally began to move but she kept a hand on Toby's chest.

"Don't move," she ordered.

Toby suddenly felt more frightened than before now that he was more exposed.

"Is she going to leave me here?" he wondered.

His fear of being left behind was unnecessary, Judith only moved a few inches so that she could peek over one of the stairs.

"Herschel, Elliot," she paused and turned her head, scanning the area. "Frankie, Syd, Mikey."

There was a sigh of relief before she grabbed the baseball bat she had dropped nearby and with her free hand she tugged at Toby's jacket.

"Come on, squirt, we're going home."

They ran the rest of the way, five pairs of sneakers slapping the pavement behind Toby and Judith.

* * *

Decades later Toby performed his own headcount after hearing shots ring out, after hearing the violent squeal of tires. He listed the names one by one.

CJ.

She was holding something against her head. From where Toby stood he could tell that she was shaken but also relatively unharmed. He wanted to go to her, even felt a tug in his chest, but the headcount took precedence.

Sam.

Toby spotted him walking toward CJ. He looked unharmed so Toby moved on.

The President.

Zoey.

Leo.

Toby managed to get information out of an agent. The President was with Ron Butterfield and was being taken to the White House, Agent Toscano had put Zoey into a car, and Leo was placed in a car with Shanahan.

"They're all fine to the best of my knowledge, Mr. Ziegler," the agent said, but he had nothing on Josh or-

Charlie.

It wasn't long before Toby spotted him standing by the gate that surrounded the Newseum so Toby moved on to the next name on his list and began to shout it as he made his way toward Charlie.

Josh.

There was no sigh of relief when Charlie told him that Josh was with Leo, Toby knew that wasn't true. He should have seen Josh with CJ and Sam, or the agent that spoke to Toby should have told him that Josh had been put into one of the cars. The mild panic he had been feeling while searching for everyone intensified when Toby had to tell Charlie that Josh wasn't with Leo. It finally dissipated and was replaced by relief and slight annoyance when Toby turned and spotted the curly head of the man who hadn't responded to Toby's shouts.

He climbed up the stairs ready to chastise Josh for making Toby look everywhere for him- for making his heart beat so fast.

"Josh, didn't you hear me shouting for you?" He asked in a tone that most reserved for little boys who never listened and always got themselves into trouble.

The panic returned when Toby saw bloodied hands and frightened eyes and Toby tripped over his words when he called out for help. The relief that had fled from Toby had made its way into Josh's eyes and he finally let himself fall, forcing Toby to catch him.

Another eternity to wait through before help arrived. The paramedics were followed by Sam and CJ and after their arrival a small crowd began to form. The claustrophobia Toby felt as a ten year-old hiding behind a stoop in Brooklyn returned as more and more people surrounded remembered the steps he once hid behind and the pressure of his sister's body keeping him pinned in a corner, that same pressure he felt earlier in the night when Secret Service agents tackled him to the ground. The man whose head was cradled in his lap and was about to be taken to an ambulance hadn't had any of that, no one had shoved him into a safe corner after shots were fired.

That night Josh didn't get to rush home the way young Toby had, and this time it was Toby who had to follow from behind, his dress shoes slapping the pavement as he desperately tried to keep up with the paramedics.


End file.
